Almost 4 years ago I found myself in a situation that I
would consider my worst nightmare and one I never envisaged myself being in! I
was 8 weeks pregnant and the biological father was about to walk out of my flat to never be seen again! This was the man who stole my heart, faith, trust and
crushed me in one single act. I was scared, frightened and my body was changing
every second of every minute and I had no control over it. I felt like my life
had ended yet I was developing another human being inside me, this battle
between my emotions and staying positive and healthy was extremely hard. So
many thoughts were running through my head…..”Why and how can he just leave?” “How
am I going to cope?” “I will never get over this!” all of these questions were
in my mind all day every day and I had to deal with these on a daily basis, whilst
my hormones were at an all-time high and my body was stretching and expanding
and changing in ways only mothers understand.
As the nine months of my pregnancy developed I had to go
through the grieving process for the father of my child, and whilst his cruel
act is enough to put anyone off their food, he was the love of my life and I was
carrying his daughter. Each day during my pregnancy it would become a bit
easier and my feelings would change from hurt to anger and back again. On the 8th
April 2010 Isla-Mae Olivia Young was born in Essex weighing an ironic 8lb 4oz!
My feelings of love, happiness and relief all came crashing down on me the
minute I saw her little face, this was it I thought, now the baby had been born
I could move on and build our lives, however I was not prepared for what was
about to hit me…….Postnatal Depression! I don’t think you ever realise how
deep in depression you are until someone tells you they are worried about you or you do something stupid.
Shame, guilt, sadness, anger, sleep deprivation are just some of the symptoms
that come hand in hand with this health issue. I think the turning point for me came when one evening I drove to my local supermarket to do my weekly shop
and instead of parking I drove straight into the car park and back out again
without stopping! The sheer panic of getting out of the car hit me, and I got
home and broke down. There is no shame in admitting you are suffering, there is
no shame in admitting you have Postnatal Depression, and there is no shame in
seeking help.
If I look back now on this period in my life it is like a
foggy haze. I think it is fair to say I was so deep in my emotions that I now
have no memory of the state of mind I was then in. Once I realised I needed
help I did the obvious and spoke to my GP who I must say is an amazing Doctor.
I did what most women do and started on a course of anti-depressants which at
first really helped. The issue with these are that they don’t target the issue
that is causing the depression in the first place. So I then started reading self-help
books, I read positive quotes, saw mediums, looked at different religions…….I
guess I was desperate to heal. I then started to look at my life; I started
backwards at all I had lost and all I had gained along the way and at what I
wanted to achieve. It then dawned on me that no pills, self-help books or words
of wisdom were going to cure me, I was! Ever wondered how certain people make
such a success of their life?! Well they did so because they believed in
themselves, they trusted their instincts and they believed in their dream. It
was then that I stopped taking anti-depressants, I binned the books and I set a
goal…….the goal was to be back in employment earning a good wage doing a job I
loved, which in turn could support me and my daughter. 1.5 years on I am now
joint partner with an amazing lady called Tanya and we run a successful Social
Media company. I have started my dream project called Dream Bear which supports
single parents, I have a lovely home that me and my daughter feel very content
in and I have an amazing support network of family and friends. I have achieved
and excelled in certain work projects which have not only given me a great deal
of confidence and a sense of achievement but have helped me find myself again.
So I guess my message is this……..when and if you are feeling down, believe in
yourself, throw away any negatives around you, set a goal and go and get it,
because the only person that is stopping you and who will help you is yourself!
I hope you enjoyed my blog, please visit and like my page http://www.facebook.com/Isladreambear?ref=hl
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