Mothers Day or not

Waking on this morning I was greeted with a beautiful card and charm for my bracelet! But the best part was the big smile and kiss that came with the present from my daughter. For as we all know today is Mothers Day, a day to celebrate our Mothers and all what they have done for us. If you hit social media then you will be bombarded with photos, status updates and plenty of chat, not just acknowledging ones mum but also showcasing the gifts mummies have received. For single parents a Mothers Day celebration can be somewhat different to those in relationships. We don't have the added bonus of a spouse to help organise anything for us, to take the load off our feet or to shower us in gifts! Now whilst this comment may come across as a shallow remark it really isn't intended that way, materialistic things do not even come close to a hand made card or picture your child has created as the thought and love that went into those mean far more than any gift money can buy. It's just that a day that could be a rest and acknowledgment of a mothers hard work will not probably be much different for a single mother. As a lone parent does not have the luxury of a second pair of hands. Let's face it, who doesn't like a day of being spoilt!

There are so many different and complex situations regarding single parents and although many have the support and love of family and friends we need to spare a thought for those mummies who really are alone this Mothers Day and may not even be receiving any kind of acknowledgement as their children are too young to understand. Lone parenting brings many challenges and feeling overworked and under paid can be one of them. This feeling can be really emphasised if you take to social media to see other people posting various gifts of very high value or huge family gatherings that you do not have the pleasure of attending. There are the mummies who have lost children themselves, the mummies who no longer have their own mothers around and the mummies who are living in poverty. Whatever the situation no single mummy deserves to miss the meaning of Mothers Day.

This year we have spent Mothers Day enjoying a nice stroll and mini adventure in a local forest. Getting some fresh air and taking the time to do something as mother and daughter was a great way to celebrate the love we share. Not everything has to come with a price tag and especially valuable as a single parent who may be on a budget. We ended the day having a cosy roast dinner at nannies house which was perfect. Mothers Day can be as fun as you make it and whilst circumstances are not always in our favour, a positive mindset with some imagination can make the day a success. Whether you want to venture outside or spend the day indoors.........get some music playing and grab some board games. If you have other single parent friends then make a day of it and invite them over for a joint family meal. Having the support of friends can be both refreshing and encouraging.

Being a single parent myself and also the proud owner of Dream Bear I can't help but think about other single mummies this year. How are they feeling today? Have they been recognised and acknowledged as a great mummy? Is someone looking after them? One thing is for certain, next year I am going to make it my mission to send another single mummy an anonymous gift in recognition as I know only too well how hard it is. There are of course the single mummies who have no one, and this is why Dream Bear was created. We are here to chat whenever you feel low or need support or encouragement. As much as Mothers Day is a positive celebration we need to acknowledge that this is not always the case for some and we welcome you to come join us at Dream Bear

Tara Young 

A new relationship.....

It was in the tasty Costa coffee that I overheard two women discussing a new relationship one had started. We overhear so many conversations in so many situations but what caught my attention to this particular one, was the topic of when to introduce that new partner to their child! For me this is such an important subject as a single parent, this is something I feel I have got wrong in the past.

So when is the right time to introduce your new partner to your child? Whilst I think that only a few weeks of dating is too soon I also believe there is no right or wrong here. Relationships can last or they can end, the most important factor should be in considering your child's feelings and needs. Maybe introducing that partner as a friend at the start would be best suited, as it gives the child time to adapt, does not put pressure on the relationship and also helps ease the situation if the relationship ends.

There are so many factors to keep in mind. How does this new relationship affect the children involved, the new partner and the biological parents of the children?! I have in the past been in the position where I have allowed a new partner I was dating to meet Isla Mae. I must say I was lucky that they seem to adore her, however she did get a little bit attached and when that relationship came to an end she could not understand why she would not see them again. I was at blame here as I let her become part of this relationship early on! however I have learnt from this and I now know that when that time comes again I will not introduce them to Isla Mae until I am certain the relationship is serious enough.

You could say let's wait 6 months, you could wait a year.......but who knows what is round the corner! Relationships can last twenty years and then fall apart, as long as a child is thought about, loved and cared the transition should be a smooth happy change.

It is nice to hear stories from parents, who are re-married with children from their previous relationship but who get on extremely well. For some this is not the case and I have a couple of friends who are at constant battle with the other biological parent over their new relationship. I guess for myself this is a privilege I don't have! As Isla-Mae's biological father is not part of our lives and never will be.....every cloud ;)

So i guess the moral of the story here is, no time is the right time but the way you handle the situation can be! Don't put pressure on yourself or beat yourself up if you get it wrong. There is no right or wrong, just be patient and caring to your child's needs and let them know how much they are loved. I would definitely recommend introducing that new partner as a friend at the start. I know that when Mr Right knocks on my door I will be doing just that :)

Love to you all

Tara & Dream Bear xxxxx

Innocent Minds

Today I had the greatest pleasure & privilege to be the first person to read my friends poem. This was no ordinary poem, this was a poem created from the emotions, thoughts & experiences of becoming a single father to two beautiful boys. Something I know would of been hard to share and open up about as a man. This poem is totally inspiring and beautifully written and I really believe he deserves to have this published. We are always hearing about single mothers so it is refreshing to have the perspective from a single father, especially in this context. So tonight a huge thank you goes to Richard Harvey, for not only sharing his story but for being a good friend and father :) I hope you get all what you deserve in life because you truly are a wonderful guy. Girls and boys I give you: Innocent Minds by Richard Harvey:

Innocent minds:

The Pain hit me so hard

Deep inside my heart

Day by day it grew

Taking away all I knew

Clotting my veins

Beating my brain

I was battling inside, just to stay sane

My life was on hold

No way to escape

I was crying inside

And starting to break

I had lost all that I knew

And thought my time was through

My head felt so numb

My body refused to run

Days were too long

Nights were too short

I was dying inside or so I thought

Hide away and be no one

Put up a barrier to everyone

That's how I felt

That's what I did

Hide all emotions to all that lived

No one will know

No will care

I'm alone in this world

Refusing to share

The guilt set in

Happiness was gone

I was stunned and alone

Lost in a world below the unknown

I tried so hard to find the way

The way to end every crying day

Scared to be free

From a life I thought was right for me

I couldn't find the way 

The way to break free

From all this pain, building up inside of me

I fought from inside to find me again

Tears, sadness was all I had gained

Days, weeks, years became so lame

Time had stopped 

Passed me by

I had become a single cry 

Lost in the dark far from the sun

This is where I found no one

I needed to realise this battle could be won

And that I was not the only one

In this situation feeling so numb

Deep down I knew this wasn't for me

Beneath the surface I was dying to break free

The help I needed was there for sure

Accepting this was harder than ever before

Throughout it all the innocent minds kept on

Keeping me battling when all felt wrong

Eyes deep with emotions

Hearts flowing with gold

Minds so pure

Story's un told

A thrive for life I felt was no more

This was the answer for me for sure

Without the innocent minds

Who knows where i would be

That love cleared the way

And showed me the path to stay

On that path I found just me

Not alone or sad 

But happy and ready to be free

I liked who I found

And took pride in what I was bound

Crushing the pain beneath the thumping strain

This was the way

The way to a happy end of day

They showed me the way 

The way to be me

Guided by the love that they shared so free

I took hold and prayed

I had reason to be brave

The same reason that made me feel so grey

I learnt I had more

More than ever before

A life so strong

One that will last forever long

That was my life

A life to provide

Provide for the ones that gave me reason to survive

I was happy again

Stronger than before

Proud of all the minds so pure

The smiles

The laughter

It all meant more

So much more than ever before

I swore I wouldn't look back

Positive and happy is what I lacked

Except to remember what it was that attacked

Back in the day when it all seemed so black

Now is my time 

My time to shine

Stay happy and continue to climb

Those are the words that will ring in my mind

I must not forget the bad times I survived

And the power from those who allowed me to thrive 

The innocent minds that change my time.

The minds that belong to two children I call mine.....

Our special friends.......

Ever stopped and thought about the friends you have in your life and how much they mean to you? I mean really thought about it!? Well today I have been doing that. From the day you are born you start to form relationships through interaction with other babies at playgroups etc. You then hit school age and wham you are faced with a class room full of new faces, a situation you have never had to deal with before. You start to learn what friendships are about, you push boundaries, you fall out only to make up again! You cry together you laugh together, you share secrets and support each other in times of need! Each week you have a new best friend, you play at each others houses, you may even have sleep overs! Before you know it you are growing not only in age and personality but also in closeness.


So what about all those friends that you didn't necessarily meet at school!? I have been very fortunate enough to meet friends that I class as family outside of school. These have been co-workers, friends of friends, people I have met on a night out, friends I have met on holiday, at university, neighbours and many more random situations! I feel that I really do have a close group of friends that mean the world to me. I am not sure about you, but I find that certain friends play different roles in my life and I don't mean this in a horrible way at all! I simply mean that there are my friends who I tend to have a great time partying the night away with, and then there will be my friends who have children and we tend to do more child friendly activities.


Sometimes I think we all fall into the trap of taking our friends for granted and it can take something bad to happen to realise you may have neglected that friendship or not made time to invest into the relationship. It can be extremely hard when we all have different lives and differing responsibilities, however a friendship should also mean that you don't have to speak everyday to know you are still a true friend. I have had the pleasure of travelling on some wonderful journeys that have been created through the friends I have and they have helped to shape the person I am today! I really do believe that we become who we surround ourselves by, therefore without sounding harsh if someone is making you unhappy or creating a negative atmosphere around you, then maybe it is time to reevaluate that friendship! True friends do not lie, cheat or bad mouth you, they encourage, support, listen, help and laugh with you :) 


I recently witnessed the marriage of two of my closets friends Cuffie and Carlton! Cuffie looked beautiful and the pair of them looked the picture of happiness throughout the day. Not only was it an honour to be part of their celebration, it was also wonderful to be reunited with some of our friendship group from years ago! 


It was a beautiful day when they got married and at the wedding reception we were able to sit outside enjoying conversation and drinks whilst reminiscing about old times. It is days like this that you realise just how much your friends mean to you and how much you mean to them. Days like this that you can never recreate but ones that will leave the most treasured memories captured through our minds, hearts, souls and photographs!


As a single mum I have relied upon mr friends a great deal! They have supported both me and my daughter. They have helped me laugh when I have been sad, they have helped me become strong when I was weak! Just like the song Let Her Go by Passenger says...........never know you've been high until your feeling low! They have helped me stay focused, positive and driven! And even when I have hit rock bottom they still tolerated me! So I guess this blog is to all my beautiful and wonderful friends that are part of mine and my daughters life to say a huge thank you :) I may not always show my appreciation and at times I can be scatty and un-organised but I do care about each and every one of you dearly, without you all now I would not be here today! Never forget to take time to appreciate and be grateful in life, you never know what tomorrow holds!


Tara x

www.facebook.com/isladreambear

@TaraIMedia

Long, Lost and Found

Growing up I always felt like a part of me was missing! A feeling I can only describe to people who have never felt this, as a longing to find a piece of yourself that you feel is out there waiting to be found. Going through primary and secondary school I started to realise my missing link could possibly be down to the fact my father had never played a role in my life since the age of 3. This longing urge and desperation to have that role model of my dad in my world was always brought to my attention in situations where married couples were present. I can always remember quite vividly when round a friends house for tea, how I imagined being part of their family, just for a split second I felt fulfilled and complete! As strange as this may sound to some people, when lacking such a significant person sometimes imagination can help you escape into a world you yearn for!

There is that age old saying "don't wish your time away' yet here I am sat in front of the mirror looking at the reflection of a 30 year old female, wondering how I have reached this stage in my life in the blink of an eye. I have a 3 year old daughter who I adore with every bone in my body, yet I find myself carrying the pain of her biological father not wanting to be part of her life. How has this happened to me? How has she come to be in the same situation as her mother? How have I let this happen, how did it happen? I can't help believing the statistics that conclude history tends to repeat itself and that my daughter is a product of me! This is a feeling that I want to turn around and to create a life where she doesn't have to feel half a person like her mummy has for all these years. Although her father is absent (his own decision which I respect & accept) I hope one day I would have created a life for her in which she feels content, happy, fulfilled and loved.


So here I am one chilled evening watching long lost families. I always feel great emotion when watching this series as it is very close to my heart for many reasons! As one of my good friends Ryan Gooding who is a psychic medium told me, I have a great psychic ability, and call it six sense on this particular evening but something told me to look on friends reunited at my old account. With the way social media has evolved these days, I have not thought to go on there for a few years! So you can imagine my shock when I find a message in my inbox from my half brother some 6 months previous! It was 9pm at night but I wanted to meet him, he had left an email address for me to contact him on, however typically me, when I want something I do it there and then as I can't wait! So the following day I investigated possible addresses for my brother, knowing he was living in the same town I found this a very easy search and by 6pm I had an address! It is funny how you wait 30 years for something so special, awkward and almost dream like! Yet when it arrived I felt completely at ease! Maybe this is a sign that my missing link was finally slotting together! So I arrive at my brothers house, I stand outside and then walk past! I am asking myself- what if he has changed his mind about meeting me? What if he has a family who I upset by turning up? What if I meet him and feel nothing? It's a strange feeling to know that you have a biological family who you have not seen for 27 years and to then have to build feelings and a relationship from scratch. Before I could think anything else I had knocked on his door, there was no going back now and I waited nervously as a man answered the door! I can say at this point that I was very lucky as I got an extremely positive response, something that not everyone in my situation would have! Also I am sad to say that this is a response my daughter will never get from her biological paternal side, but this is their loss. That evening I gained 2 new half brothers Philip and David, a nephew Finley and my dad! 


Friends and family that know me personally will know that my father was 23 years older than my mum and therefore I am meeting my dad when he is aged 85 and living as a Chelsea pensioner. My half brother Philip is 51 so again between us all we have quite a big age gap. This doesn't make me feel embarrassed or ashamed but it makes me sad :( In fact I have a deep sadness as I now start to build a relationship with a man who may not be in my life for a very long time. How do I deal with this when the time comes? how have we lost 27 precious years of life together? Part of me feels strange calling him dad as it is a word I have never used to describe a man, I also feel panic in how much time we have left together but I am extremely happy and grateful that we do have this moment and that it is special. I have gained a great relationship with my half brother who is a complete punk covered in tattoos! I guess this is where my love for piercings and tattoos come from. In fact it is quite scary to see and feel how alike we both are even though our lives have been completely separate!

I'm not sure what the future holds for us but I am a true believer in fate and the law of attraction. It was funny because again Ryan Gooding had given me a great reading into what was going on in my life and what is going to happen and so far everything he said is being completed! He is a great person in my life, positive and a trusted friend who helps me with situations like these and I am very grateful to him. For now I am continuing on my journey of filling in all those blanks and asking all the right questions, whilst filling my life with love, joy and happiness. I have now completed myself in finding my missing link and what I would say to anyone in this or a similar situation is that life is too short, you will not regret the things you did but more the things you didn't do! So reach out and find that person, you have nothing to lose and like me it could be the best thing to happen to you :) 

If you ever need any advice or help then please feel free to contact me

www.facebook.com/isladreambear 

@TaraIMedia