Mothers Day or not

Waking on this morning I was greeted with a beautiful card and charm for my bracelet! But the best part was the big smile and kiss that came with the present from my daughter. For as we all know today is Mothers Day, a day to celebrate our Mothers and all what they have done for us. If you hit social media then you will be bombarded with photos, status updates and plenty of chat, not just acknowledging ones mum but also showcasing the gifts mummies have received. For single parents a Mothers Day celebration can be somewhat different to those in relationships. We don't have the added bonus of a spouse to help organise anything for us, to take the load off our feet or to shower us in gifts! Now whilst this comment may come across as a shallow remark it really isn't intended that way, materialistic things do not even come close to a hand made card or picture your child has created as the thought and love that went into those mean far more than any gift money can buy. It's just that a day that could be a rest and acknowledgment of a mothers hard work will not probably be much different for a single mother. As a lone parent does not have the luxury of a second pair of hands. Let's face it, who doesn't like a day of being spoilt!

There are so many different and complex situations regarding single parents and although many have the support and love of family and friends we need to spare a thought for those mummies who really are alone this Mothers Day and may not even be receiving any kind of acknowledgement as their children are too young to understand. Lone parenting brings many challenges and feeling overworked and under paid can be one of them. This feeling can be really emphasised if you take to social media to see other people posting various gifts of very high value or huge family gatherings that you do not have the pleasure of attending. There are the mummies who have lost children themselves, the mummies who no longer have their own mothers around and the mummies who are living in poverty. Whatever the situation no single mummy deserves to miss the meaning of Mothers Day.

This year we have spent Mothers Day enjoying a nice stroll and mini adventure in a local forest. Getting some fresh air and taking the time to do something as mother and daughter was a great way to celebrate the love we share. Not everything has to come with a price tag and especially valuable as a single parent who may be on a budget. We ended the day having a cosy roast dinner at nannies house which was perfect. Mothers Day can be as fun as you make it and whilst circumstances are not always in our favour, a positive mindset with some imagination can make the day a success. Whether you want to venture outside or spend the day indoors.........get some music playing and grab some board games. If you have other single parent friends then make a day of it and invite them over for a joint family meal. Having the support of friends can be both refreshing and encouraging.

Being a single parent myself and also the proud owner of Dream Bear I can't help but think about other single mummies this year. How are they feeling today? Have they been recognised and acknowledged as a great mummy? Is someone looking after them? One thing is for certain, next year I am going to make it my mission to send another single mummy an anonymous gift in recognition as I know only too well how hard it is. There are of course the single mummies who have no one, and this is why Dream Bear was created. We are here to chat whenever you feel low or need support or encouragement. As much as Mothers Day is a positive celebration we need to acknowledge that this is not always the case for some and we welcome you to come join us at Dream Bear

Tara Young 

Giving me wings

Life is a funny old game! Ever sat to evaluate your life, only to feel like you haven't progressed but then you look back and realise how different your life now is!? My progress has been at the forefront of my mind recently. It's fair to say it's something that keeps me awake at night. As a single parent I NEVER switch off and feel a constant panic in how I can provide the best for my daughter and myself. Not having that extra pair of hands for help or those extra pair of ears to listen/chat to can make it even more daunting and knowing you cannot escape can leave you feeling very vulnerable.

I am a very active person and professionally in life I want to succeed in my dreams that I have for both myself and my daughter, which include Dream Bear being the huge success I envisage. I know it is taking blood, sweat and tears to get there and things take time however with everyday issues arising such as family issues, time, money and a creative mind, I get very overwhelmed to the point I cannot function. I literally switch off and become disconnected from everything and everyone. I go completely in on myself and just like the weather can change, my mood is switched into a deep sense of despair! I panic, I fear and I cry. I know these feelings and emotions are preventing me from progressing but at the same time I don't know how to deal with them. I go from a positive succeeding single parent to a failing single mum!

One sunny day I was grabbing some lunch with my friend Jeff who was bringing me up to speed on his new exciting venture as a life coach. For me knowing him personally I knew there was know one more suited to this profession. His life experience, skills and personality make him the perfect fit for such a role. It seemed too fitting and the fact he was specialising in single parenting was an even bigger bonus! When he offered to life coach me I naturally jumped at the chance. I was a little bit nervous because I wasn't sure if I could fully open up to him about my demons or if being a friend would jeopardise the seriousness of the session.........of course neither of those were the case.

Each session I have had with Jeff has helped me address key issues in my life that are holding me back. I've been able to identify personal traits I have that cause me problems. I have set goals and looked at ways to plan better. I have addressed current concerns and ways of dealing with them and I have looked deeply into my own way of parenting. The last session we had was quite intense, with me describing how I felt I was in the ocean drowning whilst weights continued to latch onto me sinking me further and further. Whilst I was drowning Isla Mae and the world around me continued to develop and grow by playing on the sandy beach above. I had lost control and and I was giving these weights the value they craved! Jeff helped me to solve this scenario through guidance techniques that helped me discover the solution. Until that session I hadn't really realised I felt like this and that was probably half the reason why the weights continued to attach themselves. I now knew what I needed to do, one of those things was to say NO more often.

Single parenting is not for the faint hearted! When you have no other parent involved in the upbringing of your child's life it is very hectic. There are times when things go wrong, there are times when you lose control or your temper, there are times when you cry yourself to sleep and there are times when you feel sick with constant worry.  One of the hardest things to do is to hold your hands up and say "I need some help" you are embarrassed and feel like you are failing. It was so nice to be able to talk to Jeff in our life coaching session about these experiences in a trusted environment. Opening up alone released another weight that was sinking me and also he understood where I was coming from. His own single parenting experiences give him the most valuable skills and knowledge in dealing with these complex issues. I am not a bad mother, I am a hard working focused person trying to succeed and put my daughters wellbeing first. I am fighting demons along the way but the more they keep coming the more I am going to kick them straight off.

Life coaching has been my breath of fresh air and life line in the past couple of months. I have had some real rocky patches which without Jeff's coaching I'm not sure I would of dealt with in the best possible way. It has helped me but it is also developing me as a mother, an individual, professionally, in relationships and friendships. To me this is gold and will now form part of my life for the forceable future. 

 I think there comes a time in all our lives when we just need someone to talk to, whether because we are lonely, busy or completely stressed out. Life coaching with Jeff has empowered me to make the changes necessary for progression. I have been able to explore myself as a person and learn how to become more happy and fulfilled in ALL areas of my life. I cannot recommend Jeff and his team of life coaches enough! You are my guidance and I am truly grateful and blessed to have you as a friend, you have helped me spread my wings to fly! 

If you are interested in having life coaching then please check out comecoachwithme.com or tweet @ComeCoachWithMe

Tara x

I don't like today but I love you

I don't like today

I don't like today! I don't like the thoughts in my head, the feeling in my stomach and the things I have seen. I don't like today because I feel negative and I don't like myself. I don't like today because I feel I have not given my daughter any attention and I don't like today because I feel all this is due to one underlying factor and that is because I don't have a stable home and relationship where I feel loved. I don't like today because I am jealous of everyone around me, for what they have for who they have and what they are doing. I don't like today because I want to run away and I can't. I don't like today because I don't have what I want. I don't like today because I'm not rich and I want to be. I don't like today because today is a struggle and I am tired. I don't like today because someone was rude to me. I don't like today because I feel so lost.

I will love tomorrow because it is a new day. I will love tomorrow because I will be positive. I will love tomorrow because I have a great meeting arranged. I will love tomorrow because I will meet someone new. I will love tomorrow because I will learn something new. I will love tomorrow because I have survived another day, I will love tomorrow because I get to wake up to my beautiful daughter. I will love tomorrow because I have a fantastic life. I will love tomorrow because I am worthy of a great life. I will love tomorrow because I love myself. I will love tomorrow because of the people in my life. I will love tomorrow because I am grateful for the air I breathe and I will love tomorrow and every day after because I have the greatest gift of all man kind and that is my daughter who I created and who I unconditionally love and that is the most pure and fantastic thing over anything in this world.

Good night.

Life is a happy place

So my last few blogs have been quite heart felt and emotional, so it's time to man these blogs up and today I am writing about happiness! That's right I am actually going to bring some positivity and describe all the things I think make and contribute to a happy way of life.


What is happiness?! Well this is something I have really tried to grasp! Is it a destination, a direction, a state of mind, a feeling, a sense, or maybe a combination of all of these. Sometimes when we are busy we loose sight of the little things in life and get far too caught up with situations that don't deserve our time or energy, yet it is so easy to slip into this trap. When was the last time you woke up and thought wow I am alive, I can breathe, I have a roof over my head and family & friends who love and care for me?! My daughter recently picked a leaf for me from the the garden, this may sound significantly small however this small gesture gave me so much love and happiness that it was then that I realised happiness comes from the smallest of things.


It is so easy to walk around with a frown but why not turn that frown upside down and beam a radiant smile to all the people you pass that day, you will be surprised what a difference that makes! I always feel that laughter is a cure for most upsets. A good giggle with people you love can bring happiness to the heart and warm the soul, it is also a good way to bond. It is funny because I recently went on a night out and had someone bring me to tears through laughter, this then caught on to other people around us and before we knew it the whole room was laughing. 


Life is hard, in fact it is tough. Nothing comes easy and sometimes things you gain you quickly loose, but that is life and what doesn't break us only makes us stronger. Sometimes you can feel like you have the world on your shoulders but my motto is, if its not death then don't panic! I love this Buddhist quote "happiness does not depend on what you have or who you are, it solely relies on what you think" we can't always control situations or circumstances but we can control how we feel and act, and I for certain want to be feeling and thinking "happy".

So I have put together a few tips for a happy life:
1) let go of your past, don't let it be your future
2) be who you want to be-think for yourself
3) positivity is key! Negative thoughts bring negative outcomes
4) everything happens for a reason, remember this
5) change is part of life, embrace it, learn from it & grow with it
6) care for the small things and the big things will happen as a result
7) form relationships, see the good in people, share and care with them
8) live your life with feeling and purpose, you can achieve that dream
9) take responsibility, accept your mistakes and learn from them
10) Smile, smiling releases endorphins that make you feel better instantly :)

Happiness spreads with a smile so get your grin on people!! 


I also find that music is a great way to feel happy! The most upbeat songs can transform a mood or state of mind, Will Smith's Summertime always makes me smile! 

Life is for living, don't take it too seriously and embrace the card you have been dealt!


I am off to be happy now and I hope you are too xxx

Long, Lost and Found

Growing up I always felt like a part of me was missing! A feeling I can only describe to people who have never felt this, as a longing to find a piece of yourself that you feel is out there waiting to be found. Going through primary and secondary school I started to realise my missing link could possibly be down to the fact my father had never played a role in my life since the age of 3. This longing urge and desperation to have that role model of my dad in my world was always brought to my attention in situations where married couples were present. I can always remember quite vividly when round a friends house for tea, how I imagined being part of their family, just for a split second I felt fulfilled and complete! As strange as this may sound to some people, when lacking such a significant person sometimes imagination can help you escape into a world you yearn for!

There is that age old saying "don't wish your time away' yet here I am sat in front of the mirror looking at the reflection of a 30 year old female, wondering how I have reached this stage in my life in the blink of an eye. I have a 3 year old daughter who I adore with every bone in my body, yet I find myself carrying the pain of her biological father not wanting to be part of her life. How has this happened to me? How has she come to be in the same situation as her mother? How have I let this happen, how did it happen? I can't help believing the statistics that conclude history tends to repeat itself and that my daughter is a product of me! This is a feeling that I want to turn around and to create a life where she doesn't have to feel half a person like her mummy has for all these years. Although her father is absent (his own decision which I respect & accept) I hope one day I would have created a life for her in which she feels content, happy, fulfilled and loved.


So here I am one chilled evening watching long lost families. I always feel great emotion when watching this series as it is very close to my heart for many reasons! As one of my good friends Ryan Gooding who is a psychic medium told me, I have a great psychic ability, and call it six sense on this particular evening but something told me to look on friends reunited at my old account. With the way social media has evolved these days, I have not thought to go on there for a few years! So you can imagine my shock when I find a message in my inbox from my half brother some 6 months previous! It was 9pm at night but I wanted to meet him, he had left an email address for me to contact him on, however typically me, when I want something I do it there and then as I can't wait! So the following day I investigated possible addresses for my brother, knowing he was living in the same town I found this a very easy search and by 6pm I had an address! It is funny how you wait 30 years for something so special, awkward and almost dream like! Yet when it arrived I felt completely at ease! Maybe this is a sign that my missing link was finally slotting together! So I arrive at my brothers house, I stand outside and then walk past! I am asking myself- what if he has changed his mind about meeting me? What if he has a family who I upset by turning up? What if I meet him and feel nothing? It's a strange feeling to know that you have a biological family who you have not seen for 27 years and to then have to build feelings and a relationship from scratch. Before I could think anything else I had knocked on his door, there was no going back now and I waited nervously as a man answered the door! I can say at this point that I was very lucky as I got an extremely positive response, something that not everyone in my situation would have! Also I am sad to say that this is a response my daughter will never get from her biological paternal side, but this is their loss. That evening I gained 2 new half brothers Philip and David, a nephew Finley and my dad! 


Friends and family that know me personally will know that my father was 23 years older than my mum and therefore I am meeting my dad when he is aged 85 and living as a Chelsea pensioner. My half brother Philip is 51 so again between us all we have quite a big age gap. This doesn't make me feel embarrassed or ashamed but it makes me sad :( In fact I have a deep sadness as I now start to build a relationship with a man who may not be in my life for a very long time. How do I deal with this when the time comes? how have we lost 27 precious years of life together? Part of me feels strange calling him dad as it is a word I have never used to describe a man, I also feel panic in how much time we have left together but I am extremely happy and grateful that we do have this moment and that it is special. I have gained a great relationship with my half brother who is a complete punk covered in tattoos! I guess this is where my love for piercings and tattoos come from. In fact it is quite scary to see and feel how alike we both are even though our lives have been completely separate!

I'm not sure what the future holds for us but I am a true believer in fate and the law of attraction. It was funny because again Ryan Gooding had given me a great reading into what was going on in my life and what is going to happen and so far everything he said is being completed! He is a great person in my life, positive and a trusted friend who helps me with situations like these and I am very grateful to him. For now I am continuing on my journey of filling in all those blanks and asking all the right questions, whilst filling my life with love, joy and happiness. I have now completed myself in finding my missing link and what I would say to anyone in this or a similar situation is that life is too short, you will not regret the things you did but more the things you didn't do! So reach out and find that person, you have nothing to lose and like me it could be the best thing to happen to you :) 

If you ever need any advice or help then please feel free to contact me

www.facebook.com/isladreambear 

@TaraIMedia