A new relationship.....

It was in the tasty Costa coffee that I overheard two women discussing a new relationship one had started. We overhear so many conversations in so many situations but what caught my attention to this particular one, was the topic of when to introduce that new partner to their child! For me this is such an important subject as a single parent, this is something I feel I have got wrong in the past.

So when is the right time to introduce your new partner to your child? Whilst I think that only a few weeks of dating is too soon I also believe there is no right or wrong here. Relationships can last or they can end, the most important factor should be in considering your child's feelings and needs. Maybe introducing that partner as a friend at the start would be best suited, as it gives the child time to adapt, does not put pressure on the relationship and also helps ease the situation if the relationship ends.

There are so many factors to keep in mind. How does this new relationship affect the children involved, the new partner and the biological parents of the children?! I have in the past been in the position where I have allowed a new partner I was dating to meet Isla Mae. I must say I was lucky that they seem to adore her, however she did get a little bit attached and when that relationship came to an end she could not understand why she would not see them again. I was at blame here as I let her become part of this relationship early on! however I have learnt from this and I now know that when that time comes again I will not introduce them to Isla Mae until I am certain the relationship is serious enough.

You could say let's wait 6 months, you could wait a year.......but who knows what is round the corner! Relationships can last twenty years and then fall apart, as long as a child is thought about, loved and cared the transition should be a smooth happy change.

It is nice to hear stories from parents, who are re-married with children from their previous relationship but who get on extremely well. For some this is not the case and I have a couple of friends who are at constant battle with the other biological parent over their new relationship. I guess for myself this is a privilege I don't have! As Isla-Mae's biological father is not part of our lives and never will be.....every cloud ;)

So i guess the moral of the story here is, no time is the right time but the way you handle the situation can be! Don't put pressure on yourself or beat yourself up if you get it wrong. There is no right or wrong, just be patient and caring to your child's needs and let them know how much they are loved. I would definitely recommend introducing that new partner as a friend at the start. I know that when Mr Right knocks on my door I will be doing just that :)

Love to you all

Tara & Dream Bear xxxxx

Sex

Lets talk about sex baby lets talk about you and me! So everyone does it, it is human nature yet we don't openly talk about it (unless in close circles of friends) so I thought I would write a blog about Sex.


First of all what is it? Sex is an activity between two consenting adults that involve the sexual organs ;) this can be between male and female or same sex couples. It is an activity that I am sure everyone will agree is extremely enjoyable with the right person. It is also that act that creates new life helping the world to go round.

So throughout my life and reaching an age where I began to become sexually active I have learnt a lot about sex and have come to my own conclusions on what I think it is and should be about. I believe that the best sex comes with a connection and that sex with emotion is the best type. I'm sure it is safe to say that I have experienced what you would call a "one night stand" and looking back this was probably the most degrading and horrible sexual experience I have ever encountered. I guess you get to an age where you realise being celibate is far more satisfying then just sleeping with anyone for a moment of so called pleasure. Sex is a massive part of life and what someone interprets as their best experience will be totally different from someone else, however I do believe that you should trust someone and feel comfortable enough to perform such an intimate act. I would not necessarily say you have to love someone as that can develop later on in a relationship further down the line.


I've been having a chat recently with some friends about "swinging" not that any of us wish to participate in this but about people that do! With lots of documentaries on the TV and various advertisements around I find it very hard to comprehend how you can watch someone you are meant to "love" perform a sexual intimate act with another person! Do they really love each other? Is it a form of cheating? Could we even say its a form of self-harm? I for one would not wish to be involved in such behaviour and cannot understand the reasons why someone would. 

I am not sure I like the word "Sex" I feel this is more suited to one night stands and sexual experimenting. I find "making love" cringe worthy so I think I prefer the term "sleeping with someone" it also leaves more to the imagination.

I also believe that as much as we may joke about sex, it is an intimate act that should remain personal between two people. We all have that animal instinct that needs to scratch an itch but after having my daughter and becoming a single mum I have really started to appreciate the value of sex and to recognise that I only want that intimacy with someone who I potentially will end up with. My body is to be respected not abused and for a healthy mind we need a healthy body! 


I have been very fortunate in having a fantastic sexual experience where I felt butterflies and the feeling that I could not breathe with lust! What it taught me was that I won't settle for entering that situation with someone who makes me feel any less than they did. When you are a single parent it is very easy to grab a one night stand because you are craving attention, but that attention is short lived and the best feeling comes when you wake up still in that persons arms :)


Tara xxx

Our special friends.......

Ever stopped and thought about the friends you have in your life and how much they mean to you? I mean really thought about it!? Well today I have been doing that. From the day you are born you start to form relationships through interaction with other babies at playgroups etc. You then hit school age and wham you are faced with a class room full of new faces, a situation you have never had to deal with before. You start to learn what friendships are about, you push boundaries, you fall out only to make up again! You cry together you laugh together, you share secrets and support each other in times of need! Each week you have a new best friend, you play at each others houses, you may even have sleep overs! Before you know it you are growing not only in age and personality but also in closeness.


So what about all those friends that you didn't necessarily meet at school!? I have been very fortunate enough to meet friends that I class as family outside of school. These have been co-workers, friends of friends, people I have met on a night out, friends I have met on holiday, at university, neighbours and many more random situations! I feel that I really do have a close group of friends that mean the world to me. I am not sure about you, but I find that certain friends play different roles in my life and I don't mean this in a horrible way at all! I simply mean that there are my friends who I tend to have a great time partying the night away with, and then there will be my friends who have children and we tend to do more child friendly activities.


Sometimes I think we all fall into the trap of taking our friends for granted and it can take something bad to happen to realise you may have neglected that friendship or not made time to invest into the relationship. It can be extremely hard when we all have different lives and differing responsibilities, however a friendship should also mean that you don't have to speak everyday to know you are still a true friend. I have had the pleasure of travelling on some wonderful journeys that have been created through the friends I have and they have helped to shape the person I am today! I really do believe that we become who we surround ourselves by, therefore without sounding harsh if someone is making you unhappy or creating a negative atmosphere around you, then maybe it is time to reevaluate that friendship! True friends do not lie, cheat or bad mouth you, they encourage, support, listen, help and laugh with you :) 


I recently witnessed the marriage of two of my closets friends Cuffie and Carlton! Cuffie looked beautiful and the pair of them looked the picture of happiness throughout the day. Not only was it an honour to be part of their celebration, it was also wonderful to be reunited with some of our friendship group from years ago! 


It was a beautiful day when they got married and at the wedding reception we were able to sit outside enjoying conversation and drinks whilst reminiscing about old times. It is days like this that you realise just how much your friends mean to you and how much you mean to them. Days like this that you can never recreate but ones that will leave the most treasured memories captured through our minds, hearts, souls and photographs!


As a single mum I have relied upon mr friends a great deal! They have supported both me and my daughter. They have helped me laugh when I have been sad, they have helped me become strong when I was weak! Just like the song Let Her Go by Passenger says...........never know you've been high until your feeling low! They have helped me stay focused, positive and driven! And even when I have hit rock bottom they still tolerated me! So I guess this blog is to all my beautiful and wonderful friends that are part of mine and my daughters life to say a huge thank you :) I may not always show my appreciation and at times I can be scatty and un-organised but I do care about each and every one of you dearly, without you all now I would not be here today! Never forget to take time to appreciate and be grateful in life, you never know what tomorrow holds!


Tara x

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