Sunday, 22 September 2013

I want to run away

I want to run away
Sometimes I get that feeling where I can't breathe, as though I am held down by chains. I feel that no matter where I go or what I do I cannot escape my life. I guess this is a feeling experienced not only single parents but couples too! However as a single parent with hardly any family this feeling can become very overwhelming and scary at times.
I think it is safe to say this feeling has a huge impact on my life and mood. It affects not only my feelings but my thoughts and behaviours. When you get days like this it can be all too easy to feel alone and isolated but I know for a fact there are many more people out there feeling just the same. It is hard when you feel trapped and you are watching all your friends and family moving forward with their lives whilst you feel like time is standing still for you and no matter what you try to do you continue to move backwards not forwards.
Maybe this week has been a tougher than tough week for me for many reasons but I just feel like I want to run away. I love my daughter more than life itself but knowing I am solely responsible for her and knowing I now can't do certain things is really suffocating me at the moment. I feel overly tired, sad, unhappy and fat! Perhaps I need a good nights sleep but the fact remains my responsibility will still be waiting for me in the morning.
It is funny how if you put a full face of make up on, some nice clothes and dress your child accordingly you give of that air of "doing well" it is a great disguise for the troubles deep in the heart. All the material things in the world right now could not make up for the stability I long for and for the day I finally feel content and happy. I have a beautiful daughter yet I can't help but feel isolated, alone and held down in chains! As selfish as this may sound to some this is a true feeling that I am sure many others feel but are too embarrassed to admit to it.
How many other single parents out there feel the same? With over a quarter of the UK households (26%) belonging to single parents, which in numbers equate to 2million people, I reckon there are many who feel the same as me. I am not going to run away but I do strongly believe there should be a much bigger outreach and support network for single parents to help with feelings such as these and to establish a sense of community, care & advice. This is my aim with Dream Bear and will continue to be so until we reach it and it gets the recognition it deserves. I have been told by a few that my blogs are too personal or too out there, I however disagree. This is real life, I am not ashamed and am an honest person. I want my blogs to reach people in the same situations so that they can identify and not feel so alone. It is my life and I want to make something positive of it by helping others.
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Thank you Tara xxxxx

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